just a note, if you don't like listening to rants or if you're then you can just skip this journal...



anyway.... i think i'm depressed.... i'm kinda the type of person who slips in and out of minor depressions that are never really that serious, but it's gotten really bad lately.

i joined this group at my high school where you can talk about all the problems in your life and have your peers help you through it by giving advice and whatnot. it started helping at first, but then..... i don't really know... it just got worse, i guess...

so, i kinda started to feel really down, even when doing things i used to enjoy... a couple of my friends started to notice, but when they asked if i was alright i said that i was fine.... now that i think about it, i guess i was trying to convince myself more than them...

anyway, but then a few of my teachers started noticing too... my AP US History teacher even asked me to stay a bit after class on Monday and asked me if i was alright... apparently my depressed state was showing more than i thought because my grades were really going down...

then it turns out that my guidance counselor had found out as well... i got pulled out of class a few days ago and my guidance counselor was talking to me and asking me a bunch of questions... it wasn't that bad, but he then said that he'd have to tell my mom what was going on...

so i get home, and my mom doesn't even act like she knows... i go on with my life until this morning... we were driving to school, and when we got there ~im-da-best-n-u-no-it got all pissed at me and went in... i just sat in the car and asked my mom if i could stay home... when she asked why i told her it was because i'm feeling really depressed and i promised her that i will try to get help...

but then on the way driving back to my house... i guess i finally cracked... i told my mom all of my feeling that i've been so desperately trying to hide from the world.. like how i feel about her and my dad, and the fact that they're probably gonna get a divorce, and that i was scared that if they did... i'd pretty much "spiral down" and end up doing drugs and getting drunk to take away the pain...

but my mom told me something.. she said that she worried about the same thing a couple months ago when things were really bad between her and my dad... and she told me that i shouldn't worry, because i am strong and she said that, if they did divorce, she'd help me through it...

it was one of the most touching things someone has ever told me... and i thought that i'd make it out...

but now, it's around 3:30 pm where i am... and i haven't eaten breakfast or lunch yet... i think the depression's getting worse because now i'm not hungry anymore...

i guess i'm just scared.....



well, that all i have to say.... sorry for wasting your time with this stupid rant..